I’m an AFOL

That’s right, I’m finally prepared to come out of the closet and announce to the world that I’m an AFOL. If you’ve never heard that term before, it stands for Adult Fan Of Lego. I’m thirty-mmblblglbg, and I’m an AFOL.

But my problem is that I live in Australia, where it’s cheaper to buy a car than a new Lego set. If you don’t believe me, jump onto www.lego.com and change your region to Australia. Suddenly, sets that cost you $100 in the USA can hit as high as $200 in Australia. And then you have to add around $40 delivery. $240 for a $100 set? I don’t think so.

I’ve been playing with Lego for almost 35 years I’d guess. I remember saving up my pocket money to buy a new set and would spend hours putting it together and playing with it. As the years have gone on, I have my own kids who love Lego as well. So I buy sets for them and we play together.

I’m a member of the Lego club on their official website. I’m also a VIP member. Now, I save up my pocket money and buy the bigger, more intricate sets. But of course, they cost a fortune. The big Death Star that was released in 2011 is $699 on the Lego website. BUT, I now have my fairy godmother.

Amazon is the most amazing shopping website on the planet, if you’re an Aussie looking for cheap Lego. And not just good ol’ amazon.com either. I recently found a blog from an Aussie mum, where she has been posting info about Lego deals and places to buy cheap Lego. Sadly, these blogs are more important than oxygen in Australia.

I’d used amazon.com before and found some great prices on great sets. But the problem is always delivery cost, and the fact that a lot of stores on amazon.com don’t ship the big sets to Australia. And that’s annoying, because that’s where the big savings are.

For instance, I mentioned that the Death Star set (10188) is $699 on Lego’s website – and that doesn’t include delivery. But if I go through amazon.com, I can get it for $399 – but they won’t ship it to Australia – which is frustrating. When you save $300 on a single set, it’s worth paying almost $100 to get it delivered. After all, I’d still have $200 in my pocket to buy something else.

For instance the Imperial Shuttle set (10212). It retails on Lego’s website for $449, but is available through amazon.com for under $220. So to buy both of those sets in Australia would set me back OVER $1,000. Can you believe that shit? Yet I can get them from amazon.com for $620. So even if I paid $300 delivery, I’d still be saving money! But again, the problem is amazon.com won’t ship those two sets to Australia.

Enter amazon France (www.amazon.fr). I can get those two sets for $451 and $317 respectively. Slightly more than the US site, but still around $250 cheaper than Australia. I should point out that they won’t deliver the Shuttle to Australia, but they WILL deliver the Death Star for around $560 delivered. A saving of $140, which buys a second, decent sized set.

I’ve recently scoured amazon.fr and found some prices that can only be described as ludicrous. The red train set (7938) sells here for around $240, but I have bought it from amazon.fr for around $120 delivered. I also bought the Tie Fighter set (9492) – selling for $90 in Australia, or around $60 delivered from amazon.fr.

So if you’re an AFOL like me – or just an Aussie fed up with paying abhorent prices for Lego, get yourself onto amazon US and France NOW and bag yourself some bargains.

Incidentally, I e-mailled Lego a while back, having a bit of a dig at them for their pathetic prices here in Australia. They replied to me quite quickly, blaming their high prices on the cost of doing business in Australia. And sadly, I can’t argue with that. I know that it costs a fortune to send large shipments out here, and our minimum wage is so high you can actually make a career out of being a waiter or a service station attendant.

But if I can get a set delivered through amazon.fr for $20, why does buying it from Lego.com double the price? It still doesn’t make sense, and it still doesn’t make it easy for Australians to get their hands on some quality presents for their kids.

So I’m going to ask you to do a couple of things for me:

1: STOP buying Lego at retail stores in Australia. Prices are dictated by demand, so if we reduce the demand, the prices will go down;

2: START looking at amazon US and France. You really will be surprised at how cheap everything is; and

3: Leave a comment telling me what you think of our Lego prices in Australia, and if you buy something from amazon, come back and leave a message telling me what set/s you bought and how much you saved.

Wait, what?

When was the last time something caught you off-guard? I don’t mean checking your gas bill and finding that you’re paying a fortune. I mean when you saw or heard something that made you go “Wait. What the f**k was that?”

Well recently, I’ve had two such occasions. And I think they’ll surprise you, too. The first one is the movie Grease. It’s a classic movie, loved by many generations. Many people didn’t know this, but it was a Broadway stage show before it became a movie. Look it up on IMDB and read the trivia. Some of the facts will amaze you.

We watched it the other night, and what I discovered was shocking. I’m surprised that Grease only has a PG rating, because to be honest, I think it needs to be M. Some of the language both in the songs and general conversation is nothing short of “adult”. And if you read the trivia, you’ll see there are even more R rated references to the stage show (which was more risque than the movie) and to sex in general.

Case in point is when John Travolta is singing the Greased Lightning song and rubs saran wrap (glad wrap if you’re an Aussie) against his crotch.

But the second instance of “Wait. What?” occurred today on the way home from work. My iPhone automatically connects to my car so I can play my music instead of listening to the crap that passes as radio these days.

I was skipping through some of the superfluous rubbish on my phone, when an old Johnny Cash song came on. I like a lot of Johnny’s music, and if you haven’t seen Walk the Line, do yourself a favour and get it. It’s the story of Johnny’s life and it’s a movie with a great soundtrack and great insight into life back then. And even more amazingly, Joaquin Phoenix who plays Johhny actually does a better job with some of the songs.

But I digress. So this Johnny Cash song comes on and it’s got a pretty catchy tune, and I find myself wanting to sing along. And then the “chorus” comes on. And I quote…….

America for white. Africa for Black; Send those apes back to the trees. Ship those niggers back.

Amazing right? You can understand my “Wait. What?” moment. And the song only get’s worse. Lyrics such as:

Ring that bell. Shout for joy. White man’s day is here; Hand that chimp his ugly stick. Hand that buck his spear.

I was dumbfounded. Gobsmacked. Bewildered. Strangely, nobody has covered “Ship those niggers back” since Johnny’s passing. Go figure.

So tell me: when have you had such an intense “Wait. What?” moment??

Ripped off by car salesmen

I’ve noticed recently that in Brisbane, our car yards are ripping us off. I’m not 100% sure how they’re getting away with it, but what they’re doing is selling cars that don’t have indicators.

This could just be a fad though. I originally noticed that it was Mercedes Benz who seemed to start this new craze, but lately its spread to a whole range of manufacturers.

Which actually just caused me to realise that I need to apologise to a LOT of Brisbane drivers. You see, I was thinking that our drivers were either lazy, inconsiderate or just pushing their luck, because there are a LOT of drivers here who don’t indicate.

So if you’re one of those people, than PLEASE, accept my sincere apology for ragging on you, when it wasn’t your fault after all.

So back to my original storyline: Why aren’t these car dealers being held accountable? What’s up Ford, Holden, Mazda, Honda, Mercedes Benz, BMW, Hyundai and Kia? You all charge a small fortune for your cars, so I think we all deserve a couple of “throw-ins”, don’t you?

We already get a free stereo, spare tyre and power windows (if you think they’re NOT free, try ordering a car WITHOUT power windows!) I’m sure our brake lights and headlights are thrown in, so I think it’s about time you starting giving us free indicators.

I’m not exactly sure when this fad started, but I bought my car in 2010 and luckily, it came with indicators. Just to be sure though, I use them at every opportunity, just to make sure they don’t suddenly stop working.

Have you been ripped off? Have you purchased a car either that didn’t include indicators, or had them stop working after a period of time? Well, don’t let them get away with it! Ring them and ask, nay….DEMAND… to receive your free indicators!

Vegetarians

Vegetarians shit me. Not sure if there’s an unintentional pun there or not, but they really do.

Having said that, when my gorgeous Fiance (who is a vego) read that title, I got that look. You know the one. THAT look.

The truth is that it’s not ALL vego’s that shit me. Those, like my Fiance, have a reaction to meat. Depending on how “strong” the meat is, she will suffer anything from stomach nausea to outright vomitting. She can’t even handle eating Asian food with oyster or fish sauce in it. She tells people that she doesn’t eat anything that had a face, ergo she doesn’t eat chicken, fish, clocks or cliffs (hahaha, sorry).

And the reason that a lot of vego’s shit me is that my Fiance HAS to tell people the face thing, because whenever we go out to a restaurant or to a friend’s place, when she says she’s vegetarian, she gets asked “Do you eat chicken? What about fish?”. And why does she get asked that ALL THE BLOODY TIME?

It’s because there are people out there who SAY they are vegetarian, but they really aren’t. There’s a few reasons why they SAY they are. They say it because they object to slaughtering animals for food – and I can respect that. If you ever see an animal get slaughtered, it may very well turn you off. But when push comes to shove, they will eat chicken or fish. Particularly when they go out to eat and see that a HUGE range of restaurants seem to think that a side salad and a bowl of chips is their “vegetarian option”.

And there are people who say it because it’s supposedly “trendy” or “different” to be a vego. “Does the restaurant have a vegetarian menu?”; “Oh, you’re vegetarian?!?!”; “Yes, I think it’s horrible blah, blah, blah…” and it gets the conversation going.

Recently on one of the commercial TV channel cooking shows here in Australia, one of the contestants said she was a vegetarian. But how do you COOK a meat dish without tasting it? Especially if you’re on a show? At home, sure, you can take the chance. But if MY girl went on a show like that, she wouldn’t be able to try the dish before presenting it as her challange entry.

And although I don’t watch the show, I have been told that this pseudo-vego not only tasted her meat dishes, but ATE meat as well. And it’s THOSE vego’s that shit me. Either remove meat from your diet or don’t. It’s that simple. Don’t be one of those a-holes that claims to be a vego, but then chooses meat when it all gets a little bit hard.

The funny thing about my Fiance is that because she is a legitimate vegetarian, she has no problem cooking meat for me, or watching me eat it. But as with most things in life these days, if you’re the person doing the right thing (in this case, being a vego because of an allergy) then you’re subject to the consequences of the dickheads who “pretend” to be.

I get sick of having to “dumb down” my life because of idiots. Like when they reduce the speed limit at roadworks to 40 kph, even though what they are doing doesn’t impede on the lanes, to protect the wankers who can’t drive. But that’s a topic for another post.

Fat People

Yep, I said it. It seems that today, you’re not allowed to call an overweight person fat. But I think we SHOULD call them fat. F**k all this “Be comfortable in your own skin” crap, and ESPECIALLY f**k all the “It’s okay that you’re overweight” bullshit.

If you’ve read my posts before, you’ll know that I’m not one to live with all this PC rubbish in case, God forbid, I tell the truth and hurt someone’s feelings. Now I’ll admit that there are some people with medical conditions that stop them exercising, or which are actually responsible for someone being overweight. But those people are really few and far between, and I for one am sick of lazy slobs trying to blame someone else for their condition.

Fat people are, quite simply, fat. And maybe if they’re told as much, it might motivate (or guilt) them into losing some weight. And it’s not just that they are FAT, but they seem to have an attitude about it as well. Have you ever noticed that when you’re at the shops, and you find yourself walking directly towards a fat person, it’s YOU that has to move?

They never take half a step to the side, do they? Even if they’re standing in a doorway (another of my pet hates), or blocking an aisle. It’s YOUR responsibility to go around THEM. Maybe because they are so fat, they can’t be expected to shift all that bulk 30cm to make life easier for someone else.

I first noticed this phenomenon many years ago, and sadly I’ve grown to live with it (much to my disgust). But today brought their whole bullshit attitude back to the forefront. Why? I’m glad you asked.

Just before Christmas, my youngest son who’s 8, broke his ankle in a freak trampolining accident. So the poor guy has had his foot in a cast for the last few weeks. Luckily, because Westfield are such awesome people, you can borrow a wheelchair for FREE for up to 3 hours when you shop. See where this is going yet?

So today, after a couple of house-bound weeks, we headed off to our local Westfield to stop the cabin fever. We picked up the wheelchair and away we went. Most shoppers are attentive to others, and sympathetic to people with injuries. If you’re on crutches, or limping around, you’ll find that most people will get out of your way, or hold a door for you. But NOT fat people.

And today while I was wheeling my poor son around the shops, in a huge wheelchair with his leg in a bright blue cast, can you guess how many fat people made the effort to get out of our way? I’d like to say “none”, but naturally, after three hours of shopping, we passed a lot of people – some of whom were fat – and most of whom got out of our way.

But of all the people who DIDN’T get out of our way and try to make things a little easier for an 8 year old in a chair, ALL of them were fat. One guy was waiting for his Boost Juice, and managed to block an entire Westfield Walkway by himself. I say Walkway, because I don’t know what you call it. But it’s the part of the shopping mall where everyone walks. You have the little stalls in the middle, but there’s this kind of Walkway thingy between the main shops and these stalls. You know what I mean, right?

So anyway, this guy blocked that entire walkway BY HIMSELF. And when he saw us coming, guess what he did? He turned away and stood his ground. F**king Arsehole. So we all had to change direction and go around HIM. I’m not one to backdown from a fight, but what can you do with these people? If I said something about his size, I’D be the bad guy, wouldn’t I?

Fat people shouldn’t be allowed to shop with normal people, if they’re going to have this kind of attitude. There should be special shopping hours for these people, and they can get in each other’s way as much as they f**king want.  My eldest son (now 11) was stunned when he was pushing the chair and realised just how rude and inconsiderate people can be.

So if you’re fat and you’re reading this, I have two things to say: Come to terms with the fact that you SHOULD be called “fat” – because you are. I shouldn’t have to be the one feeling ashamed for your condition. After all, I can’t fix it. Washing down three pizzas with a diet coke doesn’t work. Eat a carrot.

And the second thing I have to say is: When a young child is coming at you in a wheelchair – GET OUT OF THE F**KING WAY! I see fat people using walkers or in chairs all the time, because they’re too fat to walk under their own steam. Even if it’s not a child in a wheelchair, feel free to take part in getting out someone’s way so that everyone can get on with their lives.

Grumpyaussie Out

Child Support Agency

I know I’ve gone on about this before, but I’ve recently had another run-in with CSA. I’ve been dealing with them for about four years, and I can honestly say that I have never ended a phone call with a smile on my face.

In utter frustration,  I recently sent an email to the Minister of Human Services. My comments centred around the fact that I seem to have no power when it comes to dealing with CSA, my ex-wife or our arrangement. A few days back, I received a call from a guy who has been tasked with preparing a brief for the National Manager of Human Services, so that the Minister can respond to me.

And guess what? He pretty much confirmed that I have no control whatsoever.

Here’s my main gripe. I am currently trying to increase the amount of time our kids spend with me. We all live interstate, so custody is a little difficult. But at the moment, I fall in the 0% care bracket – by 2 nights. I asked if the fact that we live about 500km apart can be taken into consideration, but of course, it can’t.

So I put together a plan to have my kids for an extra three nights per year. I know that sounds easy, but when you live six hours by car from each other, it’s not really feasible to do weekends.

So I contacted CSA and said I wanted to increase how much custody I have of my kids. And here’s the kicker: If my Ex calls and says “He’s having less custody, I need to reduce his care percentage”, they go “No worries, done”.

But if I ring and say “I need to INCREASE my care percentage”, they won’t do it until they contact her and GET HER CONSENT. And if they do agree to increase the percenteage, they make it difficult. My “plan” has to already be in place, but there is no retrospectivity. So I have to prove that my kids WILL stay with me more often, but I can’t have already been doing it so that I can provide evidence.

I have mentioned before that I have told CSA that the amount I pay makes it difficult for me to pay my rent and my bills – and they don’t care. I have literally been told “We aren’t interested in your personal circumstances. Child Support is another bill like Electricity. You just need to find a way to pay”

How unfair is that? Our Government is always talking about people getting in to debt with no way out, yet when you ask for help, you’re told “we don’t care”.

Until a few months ago, I used to pay my Ex-wife directly. But she has managed to get a home loan and needed to have the payments done through CSA so her bank would count the money as income. So I agreed.

I should point out here that I pay fortnightly. Always have. I get paid fortnightly, so I arrange for the Child Support to be deducted the day after payday. That way (along with my rent), it’s always the first payment I make from my salary.

But when we changed to have the money go through CSA, I have to meet a MONTHLY amount. Not a fortnightly amount. So that means that each month, the fortnightly payments I make don’t match the monthly figure. I was advised that if I fall short of the monthly figure, CSA can initiate collection action against me.

So I spoke to them and asked if we could go back to the old ways – where I pay my Ex directly. And guess what? I can’t. But SHE can. Yep, she can ring CSA and say “This isn’t working, I want to change back”, and they go “Yep, no worries.” But if I ring, they have to call her first and GET HER CONSENT.

I even asked if I could hire a lawyer and get a judgement to go back to the old ways, but courts don’t have the power to force CSA to do that.

But while I was talking to this guy the other day, he told me they could put me on a fortnightly payment cycle, instead of monthly. I said “Great, let’s do it”. But he rang me back about half an hour later and said that because the monthly and fortnightly cycle AMOUNTS don’t equate, then to go back to a fortnightly cycle (like I’ve done for the past FOUR YEARS), I have to come up with about $200 to finalise my monthly cycle liability.

I told the guy that I can’t afford to come up with $200 and reminded him that my whole issue is that I can’t afford my bills. I told him that I didn’t understand why I need to pay MORE money to change my payment cycle, when I’ve always paid fortnightly and have never changed the amount I pay.

He tried to explain that it’s not an “extra” $200. I told him I didn’t understand. He said that over the course of the year, I wouldn’t be paying $200 more than normal, that it would all work out in the wash. But I asked him if I need to make an additional payment of $200, and he said “Yes”. So my question was: If I have to pay an EXTRA $200 to keep doing what I’m doing now, how is that NOT extra money? Naturally, he couldn’t answer that.

The other issue is that when I question these processes, and ask where the rights are for the “paying parent” (their politically correct way of saying Father), they tell me “That’s just the way the legislation is written”. I’ve asked if CSA will make private rulings, but of course they stopped doing that.

I understand now why you see Dads climbing bridges and holding up signs, or showing up at the Family Court with a gun and taking a hostage. Everyone knows how unfair the law is, yet nothing is done about it. People go on TV about once a month here and put across their story about how they are being sent broke by CSA, but nothing happens.

And to add insult to injury, there’s nothing I can do to earn extra money to make life easier for myself – because I would have to pay more child support. I’m in the Army, and we have discounted home loans available to us. But the discount we get is Fringe Benefits Tax reportable. Being in a government department, I don’t have to pay the FBT, but it counts as salary on my payment summary.

But guess what? Extra salary equals more child support. So if I use the Defence Home Loan, my salary goes up by about $16,000 per year, so I pay more child support. So how does a guy get ahead?

Do you deal with CSA? Are you having any success? Do you want to vent to someone who understands? Leave a comment and let me know what YOUR experience is. I’ve written to the Minister once, and when I get what I assume will be a lame-ass response, I have no problem holding her accountable.

BTW, if you want to email her, her name is Tanya Plibersek and her email address is: minister@humanservices.gov.au. Drop her a line and tell her what you think.

LIARS!!!!!

If there’s one thing that REALLY gets my goat, it’s liars. And I don’t necessarily just mean people who tell you an outright lie, but also (and probably MORE so), it’s the people that disguise the truth.

We get it every day from companies who want us to sign up for a contract for something. They have clever wording that you have to be a lawyer to understand, or they put all the REAL detail in the fine print. And let’s face it, who reads the fine print?

The other day, I logged on to iTunes (my favourite application – NOT!) and I needed to do an update. Not a biggy. Not a war-winner. Right? But here’s the thing. You have to agree to their terms and conditions before you do the upgrade. And it’s NOT about covering you as a consumer, is it? It’s all about protecting THEM.

And the sad thing is, we all know that, but there’s nothing we can do. They expect you to read through 20 pages of terms and conditions, just because they changed the colour of the header bar. But buried deep in section 23 (a) (vii) will be some bullshit thing about every time you download a song, they get to bill you $100.

I’m not being literal here of course, but what I’m talking about is the fact that you will check that little box without reading the terms and conditions, because we have this fantasy that SOMEONE will protect us from a-holes that try to rip us off. And sadly, no-one will.

But if everything goes pear-shaped and you try and do anything about it, what will our friends at Apple say? “You checked the box to say you agree with all our terms and conditions. If you didn’t read it, that’s not our problem”.

And these are the kinds of people I find myself fighting with on an almost daily basis. Because I don’t think it’s fair, and I think that the law should be there to protect consumers – NOT retailers.

But it’s the little things that usually get to me (just ask my Fiance). My Fiance is a HUGE foodie and runs a food blog which is going great guns, so at home, we probably watch the Food channel on FOXTEL more than anything else.

And the other day, there was an ad for my old mate Jamie Oliver’s latest show called “Jamie’s 30 minute meals”. And all through the ad, the voice over is saying “30 minutes, guaranteed” and “honestly, it only takes 30 minutes”. And this got my blood boiling. Why?

I defy ANYONE – including Jamie, or ANY other professional chef, to cook one of these meals in 30 minutes. I should point out that I have nothing against Jamie. In fact, before Jamie, I wouldn’t even touch raw meat – now I LOVE to cook.

But here’s the thing. There are very few TV chefs that you see who make these meals FROM SCRATCH. They have their staff (or maybe themselves, I don’t really know) do all the prep before we see the show. So that means that all the vegies are peeled, chopped, sliced, diced, julienned and/or minced.

All the ingredients that need to be weighed (like flour, sugar, herbs, soy sauce, lemon juice, etc) are all done, and layed out nicley in little bowl-thingys so that the show-pony can just tip it in. About the only chef I regularly see doing all this themselves – on the spot – is Nigella. And apart from being an AWESOME cook…..how f***ing HOT is she? But I digress……

Jamie does, I’ll admit, often chop his own herbs, or chop up something to add to the dish, but shows like this shit me, because what they’re trying to do is convince you at home, that despite working 18 hours at work, then picking up the kids and dealing with homework, baths, etc, you can put a TV chef-quality meal on the table every night. After all, they only take 30 minutes, don’t they?

But you have to find all the ingredients, peel everything, chop everything, dice everything, measure out your butter, oil, salt, juice the lime, blah, blah, blah. So you do about 45 minutes of prep and then you’re expected to spend another 30 minutes cooking? Screw that.

But that’s not to say that I don’t love cooking or that I don’t eat healthily. It’s pretty rare these days that we eat takeaway, or go out for dinner. Most of our meals are cooked at home, and they’re usually pretty quick and simple. Nigella does a mushroom pasta that is absolutely awesome, and requires no cooking – other than the pasta. You just chop everything up while the pasta is boiling, and when it’s ready, you put it all in the one pot, stir it around and serve. Done.

So what’s my point? I have no idea. Just that I hate that this show would be advertised as taking 30 minutes to put a meal on the table when it’s all a big fat lie. And it probably wouldn’t be so bad, if it wasn’t for the voice over constantly stating how legitimate it all is.

So what about you? What little fine print stuff have you found that gets up your nose?

PS: As if Nigella isn’t hot enough already, I read an interview with her, where she said she likes to wear stockings in the bedroom for her husband. WOOF!!

More Skyrim addiction

150 hours so far. Can you belive that? I’ve been playing Skyrim for over 150 hours. And I checked UESP yesterday to discover that:

-> I’m only half way through the main story line;

-> I’m about 80% of the way through the Thieves Guild storyline;

-> I’ve done about 25% of the Daedric quests;

-> I haven’t started The Companions questline yet;

-> I haven’t started The Dark Brotherhood questline yet;

-> I haven’t started the Civil War questline yet; and

-> I haven’t gotten married yet.

I have no idea how many of the Miscellaneous quests I’ve done (or have left) and I’ve hit the magical Level 50, which is apparently where the game stops adjusting quests/enemies by level.

There just seems to be no end to this amazing game. The one problem I’m facing now is cash. I have so much gold that I can’t spend it all, and that’s having a negative effect on my gameplay.

Why? Because when I clear a dungeon or a keep, I have no motivation to search all the chests, or dead bodies, or cupboards, or even the “boss”. Everything I am finding these days is worth a fortune. I have set up my home in Solitude, and have the Speechcraft perks that allow me to sell any item to any merchant.

But even with the fletcher, blacksmith, Angeline’s Aromatics, Bits and Pieces and Radiant Raiment, I STILL can’t sell all my loot in one round. I’ve just chosen the perk where I can invest 500 gold into a business to increase the amount of gold available, but all this is doing is increasing my “savings” – and giving me nothing to spend the money on!

So what are YOU doing with all your money? I’ve been buying all the training I can find and have decorated my three houses as much as I can. I asked one guy at work what I should do and he suggested buying horses. LOL.

One thing I HAVE been doing for a bit of fun is collecting cabbages. I saw a screenshot of a guy who filled an Inn with cabbages, so I’ve started filling the servant’s room in Solitude with cabbages. It serves no purpose at all, but is funny to see.

But despite these small little gripes, Sykrim still is the most amazing game I think I’ve ever played. The graphics are amazing. I commented to my Fiance the other day that it would be amazing if HDTV could be as sharp as the graphics in this game.

And there’s never a shortage of fun things to do. Lately, I’ve been standing in the “market district” of Solitude, shooting hawks out of the sky. Apart from the awesome thrill of seeing a bird tumble to the ground after a fluke shot, it’s a great way to get the Hawk’s Beak and Hawk’s Feathers alchemy ingredients.

So tell me: What awesome and fun things are you up to in Skyrim?

Get some balls, Australia

I struggled with the title of this post for a while, because a lot of what I have to say is about religion and about Christmas. I’ve already done one Christmas post, Bah Humbug, but this one is different.

In America, they’d call me Patriotic. But here in Australia, I get tagged as Racist or Intolerant. Strange how you can end up with a good or a bad label, depending on your “audience”.

The basis of this post is about people from other countries who come to Australia. Let me point out that I have nothing against that. I KNOW that some people have come from aweful places. After all, I’ve been to Iraq and Afghanistan. I KNOW what these people live with day to day.

But what I DO object to is when these people come to MY country and then decide that I have to live by THEIR rules. Or that they are going to pretty much ignore the Australian way of life.

Muslims are the main antagonists here, which is an oxymoron in itself. Islam instills in its people strong family values and great hospitality. The term Jihad doesn’t even directly mean go out and kill the non-Islam. It’s just a name given to any act done for Allah. So, if you’re a fatty, and you decide to go on a huge diet to lose 50kg, THAT could be tagged as a Jihad.

And I also have no problem with these people (not just the Muslims) coming here and wanting to maintain their own religion, customs and traditions. Hell, if I moved to China, I’d still celebrate Australia Day and Christmas, regardless of what their country did. But here’s the difference: I WOULDN’T demand that China change their ways to accommodate ME, I would EXPECT to live by THEIR laws, and I would expect to have to learn a fair amount of Chinese.

In Australia, things are getting ridiculous. And I intend to be that grumpy old man, sitting on the porch with his shotgun until the very end, fighting this crap. Australia is a Christian nation. I’m not exactly Christian myself, but I live by the rules set down by my country. In Australia, we celebrate Christmas and Easter as the birth and death of Christ respectively.

But because of “minority” groups (and listen up Prime Minister – Islam won’t be a “minority” for much longer), we are not allowed to put up Christmas decorations in our shopping centres. Our primary schools have been directed that they are not allowed to celebrate Christmas or Easter at school. The kids don’t get to make decorations, or colour in pictures of Santa, or make a basket for the Easter Bunny to deposit his eggs.

But it gets worse. Kindergartens are no longer allowed to make a Nativity. You can’t have “Secret Santa” anymore, it has to be “Secret Friends” now. Incidentally, that all sounds a little suspicious to me! And I’ve even heard discussion that thay are changing BC & AD to something else (Old Period and New Period, I think), because of the “Christian” undertones of BC & AD.

And why is all this happening? Because Australia doesn’t want to upset the non-Christians who come here – many of whom do so illegally by the way.

To this I say that Australia needs to get some balls. Whatever happened to the Australia that used to kick arse, instead of kiss it? I SAY, if you don’t like our rules, get out. What would happen if I flew to Afghanistan, tried to get in without a visa, then used THEIR legal system to FORCE them to let me stay and THEN demanded that the people around me speak English and that Afghanistan stops worshipping Allah in public – because it offends me.

Would they send me home? Or would they just take me out the back and shoot me?

Australia is a great country. And it has been made up of immigrants since the first white man came here. You’ll find we’re actually quite tolerant of all people, but not those who come here and force their will on us. Australia follows America’s lead on a lot of things, but for some reason we refuse to adopt the “Fuck you” attitude of the Yanks.

I REFUSE to pander to these groups. I will continue to say “Secret Santa” and I will continue to live my life the AUSTRALIAN way. And if I ever hear an immigrant whinge that we don’t do things like back home, I will happily tell them to leave. In fact, I’d probably even throw them a few dollars to help pay for their flight.

If you’ve read my Bah Humbug post, you’ll know that I’m a pagan. That means, I follow a non-Christian religion. In that post, I discuss how closed-minded Christian religion can be, and how open the pagans are.

If I was the Minister for Education, rather than “close down” religion, I’d insist that they teach ALL religions. Let the schools continue to celebrate Christmas and Easter, but let’s teach the kids about Ramadan, Hanukkah, Vesākha and God-forbid: Paganism.

Christian religion touts “Love thy neighbour” and they insist that they way to World Peace is tolerance. And yet we are prohibited from teaching our kids about all the different religions in Australia. Surely, if we educate our kids and expose them all the religious events they are going to encounter in their later years, they will understand WHY other religions do what they do, and be tolerant of them.

So what do you think? Are you an Aussie with the same thoughts as me? Do you think I’m an idiot? Are you an immigrant, struggling to maintain your own identity? Tell me what you think

My name is Grumpyaussie and I’m a Skyrim addict

That’s right. I have a problem. And they say that the first step to getting over your problem is admitting you have one. Right? Well I don’t want to get over my addiction.

I’m a computer game player from WAAAAAAAAAY back. Remember the Commodore 64? What about the Atari? I was there. In fact, whenever I put on a DVD these days, I still find myself saying “Press play on tape”. If you’re not 30 year’s old or more, games on the Commodore 64 (which was a computer in the 1980′s) were sold on a cassette tape. When you wanted to play the game, the computer would tell you to: “Press play on tape”.

Haven’t things changed since then? I mean, we have the Wii, and the Playstation Move and XBox Kinect. The Commodore 64 used to take up to half an hour to load a big game. Now, you slip in a disk and before you know it, YOU are the controller.

What I like to see in a computer game is CHOICE. I tend to think outside the square, so I don’t like games where I have to do it THEIR way. I want to make my own decision about how I achieve the goal. And that’s where games like Skyrim excel.

Fable was a good contender against the Elder Scrolls series (of which, Skyrim is episode 5). I only got involved with Elder Scrolls at episode 4: Oblivion, and it sucked me in like a child at a sideshow. The world in these games is amazing. The games are actually designed to have open-ended play. And if you don’t want to follow (and complete) the main story, then that’s fine.

Skyrim was released internationally on 11 November, and since then I have clocked up a little over 100 hours of gameplay. Can you believe that? 100 HOURS! A lot of new games these days will offer 25 or MAYBE 30 hours of gameplay for your $100. And to make things even more amazing, I traded in some old games to buy Skyrim, and ended up paying $9 for it. NINE FUCKING DOLLARS. For 100 hours of gameplay, so far!

And the thing is, I am NO WAY NEAR finished this game. I think I’m about 20% of the way through the main story. The rest of my time has been spent doing………stuff. So if you’re not familiar with the game (or it’s predecessor), here’s how it works.

You play a character that is any one of about 6 or 7 different races. From human, to lizard-thing, to elf. At the start, you get to “design” your character by editting your face – everything from the shape of your head to how far apart your eyes are, how dark your skin is and what your hair looks like. Then you get to give your character a name.

I won’t give away the storyline, but what I will do is say that in Skyrim, there is pretty much NOTHING you can’t do. Except have sex. And that’s my pet hate in video games these days, but I won’t talk about that now. If you want to hear my thoughts on that, leave a comment.

In Skyrim, you can create your own weapons out of the following types of material: leather, iron, steel, ebony, glass, elven steel, dwarven steel, dragon scales or dragon bones.

You do this at a blacksmith. They have a forge where you can create the items, a grindstone to sharpen and improve your weapons, a tanning rack where you can turn all the animal hides you’ve found into leather, and a workbench where you can improve any armour that you’ve made.

You can also create potions. At the beginning, you don’t know any of the magical properties of any of the ingredients. You have to start mixing them all together and gradually you will learn what magical effects they have. You can even EAT all of the ingredients, to help learn their effects.

And the best thing? Most of the ingredients you use to make potions are found in the game world. Everything from those damn Mountain Flowers, to bees, lichen, moss, butterfly wings, mudcrab claws, hawk beaks and ice-wraith teeth.

You can also hire – or be provided with – someone to help you out. They work really well as a pack mule to carry all your gear, but they also help you out in battles.

You can just wander around the wilderness, discovering caves, mines, forts, dragons, giants or towns. You can buy a house in each town and deck it out with all the latest furniture. You can spend your time just working on potions or making weapons and armour to improve your skills, or you can go dragon hunting.

And as you wander around the towns and get to know people, they will ask for your help. One of the menus keeps a list of your outstanding quests, and there’s miscellaneous ones as well. Everything from taking a note from one person to another to killing a dragon that’s been pissing off the local Jarl (aka regional leader), or clearing out a castle or cave where bandits live.

But Skyrim has it’s flaws. And anyone with a few brain cells would expect that. You can’t create a world like there is in this game without a few things going wrong. There’s plenty of webpages whinging and bitching about how shit Skyrim is because of all these little glitches. But I say to these people: Get over yourselves.

Sure, there’s some legit stuff. It sounds pretty minor and a bit nerdy on here, but I assure you, they are incredibly frustrating. Things like if you locate a quest item BEFORE you meet the person who tells you to START  the quest, then you might not be able to complete the quest. There’s also the odd lock-up (mainly on PS3 after four hours of continuous play) and the crappiest maps that ever lived.

And then there’s things that are really just tweaks. The game itself is awesome, but when a game gets all the BIG things right, you start looking at the little things. Like why can’t I mark the map myself when I find something interesting? Why can’t I rename a potion? Why can’t I tell my companion to STOP STANDING IN THE FUCKING DOORWAY!!!!!!!!!!!! Or why can’t I just ask a local where I go to sell my potions?

But that’s not to say that the game doesn’t already have a lot of these little things already. When you turn a normal sword into one that drains the magic of your enemy, you can name it anything you want. I have a fur hat that I gave an alchemy enchantment. So I called it “Hat that makes potions stronger” haha. Yes, I’m a child.

But it’s the REALLY little things that make this game what it is. Early on in the game, I was attacked by a group of people hired to kill me. Naturally, I slew them all (insert evil laugh here) and then looted their bodies. But then, the locals started walking up to the bodies and saying “Ooh, a dead body. I wonder what happened”.

You can even get married in Skyrim. And not to the ONE non-player character (NPC) that the game makers decided you should marry. There are literally about 20 NPCs that you can marry. And Skyrim is progressive. Same-sex marriages are allowed. You can even marry some of the people who will accompany you on quests.

The gameplay is also pretty awesome, but after 100 hours, I still struggle with some of the controls. I play on Xbox, and Skyrim’s predecessor, Oblivion, had amazingly intuitive controls. Skyrim does not. Did you hear that Bethesda? Skyrim DOES NOT have intuitive controls. And it sucks. When you’re being attacked by a dragon and need to grab your shield at the same time as drink a health potion, it gets hard.

Which reminded me of another awesome aspect of Skyrim. The world interacts with itself ALL THE TIME. You can be wandering around the world and find other animals and NPCs locked in battle with each other. Just recently, I was approaching a bandit camp that I had previously cleared. As I got closer, I heard a dragon overhead, so I froze and pulled out my bow.

But the dragon wasn’t after ME. I followed it’s stream of fire and saw that the dragon was attacking the bandits in the camp. I joined in, thinking the bandits would help make light work of the dragon, but when the dragon flew off to circle around, the bandits turned their attention to me. But the funny thing is, as the dragon came back to ground level, the bandits started attacking the dragon again!

And that’s not all! About half way through the battle, a giant joined in! Once again, everyone joined forces to fight the dragon, but once it was out of range, everyone started attacking each other again! It was funny and awesome at the same time. But things didn’t end well. The dragon was just about dead, so I rushed in for a melee attack, only to have the dragon grab me in it’s mouth, thrash me around and discard me like yesterday’s newspaper.

But you know what? I wasn’t mad. There was no rage quit. How can you be mad at an epic battle like that? It was truly amazing to see and to be a part of. Just another reason I love Skyrim.

So, yes. My name is Grumpyaussie, and I’m an addict.