Birthdays

I recently discovered a blog by fellow WordPress member, Miffet (click here). She’s an Aussie girl who moved to Canada a couple of years back, and her blog records her trials – and MIStrials – during her transition to Canadianism. It’s very funny, and I suggest you all check it out.

Anyway, she was blogging about Birthdays, and how Canadians don’t do the “Hip-hip Hooray” after singing the song. I know, it’s weird, but I’m not going to steal her thunder – click on the above link and check it out for yourself.

But it got me thinking. What is it with birthdays? Why do we hope that nobody at work remembers, because we don’t want to be embarassed, but then being upset when your big day goes by and nobody mentioned it?

Why can we never think of what gifts we’d like when our loved ones ask, but when you open them on the day, you’re kind of disappointed that nobody got you what you REALLY wanted?

When you’re young, birthdays are awesome. AWESOME. There’s HUGE parties, HEAPS of presents and you get to stay up late with your friends. When you hit your mid-twenties, you start to kind of hate them. You’re another year older. Your body stops doing some of the things it used to do. And every time you celebrate, you’re reminded of how you can’t just get Lego or Barbie for presents anymore.

I have no idea if the wonder of birthdays kicks back in at some point, but I sure hope it does. I’m generally a quiet kind of guy (you can tell by the majority of my posts) but I secretly love it when people make a big deal about me. And I think we all do.

I have this theory that your first and last birthdays are exactly the same. You have no idea what’s going, you have no idea who all the people are, but you like the pretty colours, and people are giving you gifts.

Some of the best parties I’ve been to have been 50th’s or 60th’s, when someone manages to get about a trillion family and friends to show up, and there’s a delicate “roast” of the guest of honour. Everyone seems to have a good time, and the party flows in a casual way.

So I hope that I still love birthdays when I get older. And I hope that everyone comes and makes a big deal of me. And you better bring me expensive presents. I want something to display and something to play with. Other than that, alcohol is ALWAYS a winner.

Happy Birthday to Me. Hip-hip Hooray (that’s for the Canadians)

Tip #6 – Her Birthday

The best thing you can do for her birthday is adopt the attitude of getting her something she wouldn’t usually buy herself. I don’t mean a horse or a new blender, but something that’s more special.

And if you want to set the standard for birthdays everywhere, here’s a few tips. Find your nearest party hire place. They sell helium balloons and you can rent a canister. For less than $100 you can get enough balloons (and gas) to cover the ceiling of a room. Add some ribbon to each balloon, and the room will look like some kind of magical forest.

Obviously, you need to do this when she’s not at home. Chicks love it when you go to some effort, so if you have some holidays up your sleeve, take a day off to prepare her birthday. If she works, you’ll have the whole day to prepare, and but if she doesn’t you might need to come up with a plan to get her out of the house for a few hours – maybe buying her a trip to the day spa for a massage and facial might make a great present AND give you time to prep the house.

While you’re at the party hire place, find a bunch of stuff that all goes together. All girls like being a Princess, so you should be able to find some decorations that are Princess related, including plates, cups, streamers, a Happy Birthday sign, and maybe some more things to hang from the ceiling.

This is what I did in 2010. The whole thing cost about $100, but you can see how many balloons there are. The ribbons on the balloons (while a pain in the arse to tie) really add something to the layout.

Also, if you look closely, you can can see the plastic table cloth on the coffee table, along with plates and napkins, the Happy Birthday sign (barely visible at right-centre) and a couple of little hangy things. CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO VIEW FULL SIZE

All this took about 3 hours to put together, but it wasn’t physically demanding by any means – and I can tell you that she loved it so much, she sent photos to her parents, and now her Dad hates me because he’s getting hounded to do something similar.

And if you REALLY want to go to the extra mile, whether because you bought her a toaster last year, you’re in a new relationship, or maybe just because she’s been hounding you for not paying her enough attention, get her a custom made cake.

This will take a little planning, as you can’t wait until the week before her birthday to start organising it. You will need to find a proper cake shop – not your local bakery. Every city has one, you just need to find it.

Most of these shops will have a book you can go through to find something you like – or something you can use as a “base”. The cake here is the one I had made. The cake is a chocolate mud cake covered in fondant. The crown is fondant as well with cubic zirconias all around. The crown is edible, but as you’d expect, it’s still sitting in our fridge in Tupperware.

Obviously, a cake like this is more expensive than what Woolworths sell, but not as bad as you’d expect. Remember when placing your order to let the baker know how many people you want to feed. This cake was just for the two of us, so it’s not particularly large, but if you’re having a party with the whole family, size could be an issue for you.

The only problem you might find is that despite spending time organising all this, and then an hour or more blowing up balloons and tying ribbons, you still need to get something for her to unwrap – or you’ll never hear the end of it. Petty? Yes, but necessary. The good part is that after all this work, you can get away with a smaller present. The unwrapping is a symbolic gesture, so a DVD, candles, or costume jewellery should be all you need.

Tip #2 – Learn to cook. Something

Just like tip #1, I’m not talking about getting yourself to the standard of competing on Masterchef or anything like that. But there are a couple of things you should learn to cook.

Breakfast

With a little practice and a few tricks, you can make it special. The beauty of this is that whether you already spend most of the week in the kitchen, or if you only ever cook vegemite toast once each year, she will enjoy helping you design a great breakfast.

Keep it simple though, because the more you have going at once, the more can go wrong. What I find works is a piece of toast, eggs (done the way she likes), a hash brown and either some mushrooms, bacon or those short sausages.

You need to get your timing right so that everything is ready at the same time – and this is where practice makes perfect. On the weekend, wake up together and make breakfast together. If you grill a hash brown, it should take around 10 minutes. If you shallow fry it in hot oil, maybe around 7, and toast should take about 3, depending on how black she likes it. Mushies could be between 5 and 10 depending on how you like them. If I get some comments on mushies, I can tell you the best recipe for breakfast mushies – even vegetarians will love them.

Eggs are all different. How does she like them? Poached, scrambled, fried or boiled? The interwebs will tell you how long to cook each type, depending on whether you want them runny, firm or hard. Did you know that you can scramble eggs in a pan in around 30 seconds once they hit the heat? I didn’t either – but learn how.

It might take you two or three attempts to get breakfast right. But once you do, you will be able to do it on command – or on a whim. Then, when it’s her birthday, or your anniversary, or Mother’s Day, or “just because”, you can make her breakfast. And we all know how much the girls love “just because”.

Her favourite dinner

Obviously I can’t give you much advice on this. But find out what she loves, and learn to make it. Be open to criticism when she tries it. After all, you’re after a longer term solution, not a quick fix. If the veggies are too crunchy (or too soft), don’t get shitty. Learn from it – she’ll love it. If the chicken/fish/pasta/lamb/steak is undercooked, learn from it. After a couple of tries, you’ll nail it.

Dessert

Again, you want to find out what she likes, and learn to make it perfectly. I don’t mean ice-cream on a store-bought pie either. I have a great recipe for strawberry, raspberry or banana pancakes that I invented – and no-one has ever turned them away. You might even find yourself learning to bake a cake. Sideline your macho ego and think about how much she’ll appreciate it, and what the benefit to you could be.

Once you get these basics sorted, you’re on the way to making her putty in your hands. Learn to tweak things slightly, and your options start to open up. AND it means that the next time you cook breakfast, there’ll be a surprise. You’ll be surprised how much she’ll love it – and love you for it.

Here’s one tip for the dessert – and it keeps to my usual concept of not doing much, but making it look complex. If you don’t already have a heart-shaped cookie cutter, get your arse down to your local kitchen shop and buy one. They cost bugger-all and will come in VERY handy. Then drop by the supermarket and pick up some ice magic.

When you’re planning to make her dessert, get something thin and flat – like a plate or small chopping board. Place some baking paper over your surface and put the cookie cutter on it, making sure there are no gaps underneath. Then, simply squeeze ice magic into the cookie cutter and let it smooth out and fill the shape. You can make it as thick as you like, but remember that it’s pure chocolate, so it’s quite rich. It only needs to be about 2mm thick.

Then, VERY gently, place it in the freezer. Obviously, the longer you freeze it, the harder it will be, and the longer it will stay in shape after you remove it. VERY gently remove the cookie cutter, and you’ll be left with a perfect, crisp heart-shaped chocolate. If you’re super keen, wait a few minutes until it STARTS to go firm, then remove the cookie cutter and make a second heart. When they’re done, you just find a nice way to add it to the dessert. Maybe lay it on top. Or along side it. Or if you can, have it stand up, on top.