Living in your own little world, then?

Being Thursday night, my gorgeous girl and I decided to head down to the shops and check out the sales. I’m not 100% sure if it’s a result of the floods, but when we got there, the place was like a ghost town. Until around 7pm. When a whole new universe was created inside our local Westfield.

I say that, because it seems that every man and his dog, these days, lives in their own world and has no clue what is happening six inches in front of their nose. Although, having said that, it’s usually the 20-something girls in their own world. Walking along, texting on their iPhones, not paying attention to anything around them.

This seriously drives me crazy. As if we all need yet another reason to think Gen Y don’t give a shit about anything other than themselves, they pull THIS stunt. If I wasn’t such a wonderful bloke, I’d stop side-stepping these ignorant schmucks and just walk into them. But something stops me from doing that. Maybe it’s because I feel pity for animals more stupid than me.

So, if you’re one of these people, who’s job is as important as the Prime Minister’s, or the Director of the CIA, then text away my friend. I fully appreciate how valuable your time is, and how legitimate your need for communication. But if you’re NOT employed in a role that supports the UN or some other human rights organisation – ONE THING AT A BLOODY TIME!! If you REALLY need to text someone – take one step sideways, up against a wall and stop walking. Send your message, and be on your way.

And just when I thought these people were the most frustrating on Earth, I come across this next group: The people who are busy doing something else (texting on their iPhones, maybe) when the traffic light goes green.

Brisbane traffic control is average at the best of times. So when the light goes green mate, you better be ready to go. Your lapse in concentration can mean the difference between 3 cars getting through – or 6.

What the hell is it that these people are doing when the light turns green? Does the sudden change take them by surprise? I have no bloody idea what they’re up to, but what they’re NOT doing, is paying attention to the outside world. And if you’re impatient enough to give them a quick toot, they give you the finger!

And I don’t mean one of those long, drawn out “Hey, jackass. Pay attention to the light” honks. I’m talking about that little ‘bip’ you do that means something more like “Excuse me Sir/Madam, in case you’re unaware, the light has now turned to green, indicating that you may proceed safely through the intersection”.

I’m sure that stress and aggravation levels would significantly decrease, if these morons took an extra two seconds to quickly scan the world around them, and react appropriately. Wouldn’t you agree?

Let’s do this

Ok, time to let fly with my first rant. I live in Australia – obviously – and unfortunately we can be known for our poor driving skills. What I don’t understand is why driving a car seems to be akin to flying the Space Shuttle for some people. I mean, most people seem to drive automatics these days, right? So how hard is it?

One pedal to go faster, one to go slower, and you just turn the wheel so you don’t bang into anything. And yet despite this seemingly simple concept, some drivers struggle. And this is the basics. I haven’t even mentioned using indicators yet, or maintaining a constant speed, or making an effort not to be dangerous on the road. Just go faster, or slower, or in a different direction so you don’t have a collision, and we’ll work on it from there.

But sadly, I DID mention indicators, and now I’ve riled myself up. What’s with those morons who seem to lack the capacity to give that little stick a shove with their finger whenever they want to change direction? Is it really THAT hard? Or maybe they’re CIA or some other secret agent, and their movements are so God Damned secret that the rest of us aren’t permitted even a second’s warning of what they plan to do.

And as if these morons aren’t bad enough, what about the legends who start changing lanes, and then when they’re about half way across, let their indicator blink once. ONCE. What the f***? I have news for these people. Don’t even f***ing bother, mate, because one of two things has already happened. Either I’ve already hit my brakes because you decided you had to occupy the same spot as my car, in which case your indicator is now as useful to both of us as tickets to see The Beatles this weekend, or if I was lucky enough to have you in front of me, I kind of worked out your master plan the second your wheels crossed the line.

Now I do realise that I seem to have some super-power when it comes to driving a car. I can manage to get from A to B without hitting anyone, or cutting people off, or killing myself. Except for that time I reversed into a motorbike (oops). So, considering my apparently amazing abilities, I have no problem with watching people try their best, and use the best of intentions to drive properly, even when they don’t do such a great job.

You know who I mean. The guy who actually DOES indicate, but starts 500m before he manoeuvres and then forgets to turn it off afterwards. I shake my head, but it’s good to see him having a go. And what about the young girl on P plates, who still lacks a little confidence. She WANTS to turn across traffic, but unless there’s a gap big enough to sail the Titanic through, she’s just not gonna risk it. Once again, she earns a shake of the head, but she’s giving it a red-hot go.

Over time, you’ll see drivers make regular appearances on my blog. I’m not picking on them specifically, they just give me so much material to “discuss”. So if you got a chuckle out of my post, or found yourself shouting “YES” and pointing at your monitor, let me know what you think. Do you encounter these evolutionary giants as well? Or maybe you’re one of them and can explain to me why you do what you do. But feel free to let me know I’m not the only bloke out there wondering who these people slept with or bribed to get a driver’s license.