Australia Sucks II

I got a bee in my bonnet today. I was reading the news online and things just started to shit me. Why? Because the Australian government sucks. In my opinion, it’s full of arse clowns that are only interested in making themselves look good, and have no f**king idea whatsoever about how to make this country great.

My first case study is that health insurance in Australia is about to be means tested. What the f**k is that all about? Next, they’ll be means testing petrol. Our government can get f**ked. The WHOLE WORLD knows how expensive Australia is. It’s the main reason our tourism is starting to die off. It costs people a million dollars to get here, and then we rip them off once they arrive.

I’m in the Army – I’ve mentioned that before – and that means that I am at the mercy of civilians running the Defence of our country. Maybe if they picked someone who had done some military service, life wouldn’t be so shit for the ADF. But politicians are all soft and couldn’t handle it. Ergo, our lives are dictated by ignorant assholes.

The latest bullshit decision to effect Defence is that they are going to remove the Rising Sun badge from our slouch hats. The Rising Sun seems to date back as far as the 1820′s, although it’s difficult to pinpont exactly when it became associated with the Aussie Digger.

And why is it that we are losing this MASSIVELY iconic insignia? Because the government needs to save money. Apparently, they are going to save money by not holding stocks of this badge in our military clothing stores. Mind you, at least we get to keep THE HAT, the discontinuation of which was another one of their ideas.

This is just the latest in a string of reasons why military personnel are doing it tough. We’re constantly being shafted by the government when it comes to our entitlements and conditions of service. Why can air hostesses claim hair cuts and make-up on their tax, when soldier’s can’t claim haircuts? If I don’t get my hair cut according to our doctrine, then I can be charged: resulting in a fine.

When a married Defence member separates from his/her spouse, the spouse gets a Defence-funded removal to a new home – while the serving member gets NOTHING. Oh wait, what they DO get is 28 days to get out of their house and move into somewhere else (at their own expense).

And why does the Prime Minister get a free trip to Gallipoli on ANZAC Day, when soldiers have to pay their own way? Why do politicians get 20% pay rises, when Defence personnel have to FIGHT for 6% over 2 years? It’s a f**king joke.

In the words of the infamous Bill O’Chee: “They can root my boot”

Revenue Raising

I was watching the news tonight, and heard the most amazing story from Brisbane City Council (BCC). Apparently, in some bullshit attempt to save kids lives, BCC have decided that all pool owners in the state have to register online to let the government know they have a pool.

And Queensland has over 300,000 pools in homes. And here’s the catch. Did the BCC do a TV and radio campaign a couple of months in advance? Hell no. Apparently, they tried to send a letter to the individual pool owners, starting in Nov 2010, and then claimed they had trouble reminding everyone about the need to register because of the floods.

But wait…there’s more. It turns out that tomorrow was the original deadline for registering pools, and there’s still between 90,000 and 100,000 people who haven’t registered. And if you miss the deadline, you face a $2,000 fine. The GOOD news is that BCC have decided to extend the deadline.

Now, here’s my problem with this. What possible f**king point could there be to registering a pool? Is it going to save a childs life? Of course f**king not. This is the kind of bullshit revenue raising that I’m talking about.

Some level of government implements some ridiculous law with an even more ludicrous fine for not complying. Let’s assume I have a pool. And then let’s assume that I bothered to register it. Does that mean that my kids are now safe around the pool, and I can sit inside playing xbox while they swim without supervision? Of course f**king not.

I’m the kind of stubborn, principle-driven bastard that would deliberately NOT register my pool, NOT pay the fine, and happily go to court over the whole thing. And why? Because the BCC could not possibly prove to any human being with an IQ higher than 50 that registering a pool will achieve two squats of f**king anything.

I bet you’re waiting for me to start talking about speed cameras, right? Well, wait no longer friends. I do need to pre-empt my speed camera rant with the fact that I agree with them. Naturally, I don’t agree with them at the bottom of hills, or in areas where it’s unreasonable to expect drivers to be slowing down.

If they’re on a flat, straight piece of road, or even on a bend, then I think they’re fine. The reason is that the best way to hurt some of the bogans that speed is to hit them in their hip pocket. I used to think that fines for speeding and other offences should be sky high, to work as a preventative measure.

But then I lived next door to a couple of cops. The problem when fines are too high is that people can’t afford to pay them. Then they get a warrant issued. Cops have more important things to do than chase down people who don’t pay their fine, so the perp gets sent a summons to appear in court.

But guess what? Something like about 70% of these people don’t show up to court. So then they have a “Fail to attend”, which now results in an arrest warrant. If the person is ever found, they get arrested, and then they find the money to pay the fine (plus charges) and then they go home.

So look at all the waste of money, police and court’s time punishing someone who can’t afford a massive fine. So, the fines should be high, but not too high. So if you speed, remember that you ARE actually breaking the law, and you should be punished.

Sure, I’ve taken chances myself, and even now I feel free to challenge ridiculous speed limits. Where I live, there were roadworks outside someone’s house for about eight months. But the problem is, nothing was being done for about five of those months. And despite that, the contractors left the 40 kph signs up 24/7.

If their barriers impeded the road, then I’d be all for it. But when the barriers are outside the lines, and there’s no work being done, I can’t see any reason to be slowing down. Are they working on the theory that there’s people out there who can’t drive inside the white lines at the usual speed limit? Maybe these are the kids from school who couldn’t stay inside the lines when they coloured in.

My rant has gone on long enough, so I’m not going to list all the bullshit fines and fees we pay that seem to do nothing more than fill the government’s coffers. But if there’s something that’s getting up YOUR nose, feel free to drop me a line.

Language Skills

I know I’m facing allegations of being racist with this post, but my real question is why? All I’m going to do is state a fact, and publish what I’m sure is the opinion of hundreds of thousands, if not millions.

How many of you are frustrated when you call a business – or even a work colleague – and you can’t understand what they’re saying? It could be their accent or their poor English skills, but whatever it is, it makes having a conversation with these people pretty much impossible. I have one of these people that I have to deal with at work, and I hate it. I have actually instructed my staff to never call this person on the phone. They are only to deal with her by e-mail.

As it happens, this woman was born in China, and her English skills aren’t the greatest. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a smart woman, and by all accounts she performs well in her job. But it’s just f**king impossible to discuss complex issues with her. And if I speak too fast on the phone, SHE can’t understand ME. I work in a Government job, which is one of the reasons I don’t mention too much about it. But in this case, the problem is that Governments have to run their workforce in ways that private business would refuse to accept.

If you run a corner shop, and someone applied for a job who couldn’t speak English, or was missing an arm and couldn’t carry stock, or was deaf and couldn’t hear the customers, you would easily be able to find a reason not to employ them and pick someone else. It doesn’t mean you’re racist or discriminatory, you just need someone who can peform a series of tasks, right?

Well it seems that the Australian Government is too f**king soft to use the same practice. They are an “equal opportunity employer”, which means they’ll take you even if you’re in an iron lung. And why? Because you’d be surprised how easy it is to sue Government departments for discriminating. But what we end up with, is people working in Public Service jobs – who YOU have to deal with every week – who don’t speak English properly.

This woman I have to deal with – let’s call her Sarah – works at a pretty high level in my organisation. When I get stuck, I have to ask her for help. But here’s the problem: The work I do is visible at Ministerial level, so it HAS to be 100% perfect – there is no excuse. When I get confused (because my department doesn’t use it’s software the way the programmers intended), I need Sarah’s help. And here’s why I never call her. She speaks broken English – and in the way that most Asians do. They don’t use small words like “the” or “a”. And they don’t use plurals. And they don’t always finish their words (need becomes nee, what becomes wha).

Now let’s compare this to the countries that we don’t see eye-to-eye with: Middle Eastern countries, Communist countries, Dictatorships, etc. If you go to THEIR country, you better tow the line Jim, because if you don’t, you go to jail (like spitting on the sidewalk in Singapore)- or you get shot. But come here and you can run all over us.

The “boat people” we get in Australia are a classic example. These people come here illegally. They land on our shores and we put them in a detention centre. Then, they get to use OUR legal system – FOR FREE – to fight OUR LAWS so that we have to let them stay. And then, they get welfare, because they can’t get a job because they’re not residents, and they don’t have a visa. Try that in China, Afghanistan or Chile – I dare you.

But I digress. Why can’t employers (including Government – and Vodafone) insist that if you’re going to work for us, and deal with our customers on complex issues, you have to be able to speak our language? Not a difficult concept to grasp I would think. And not one that you could really call racist. Racism involves discriminating against someone because of their race – not their abilities. I bet that if I moved to Spain (by the way, I don’t speak Spanish), I’m sure I wouldn’t get a job dealing with customers in a shop – let alone on a helpdesk for something complex.

I know I’m facing allegations of being racist with this post, but my real question is why? All I’m going to do is state a fact, and publish what I’m sure is the opinion of hundreds of thousands, if not millions.

How many of you are frustrated when you call a business – or even a work colleague – and you can’t understand what they’re saying? It could be their accent or their poor English skills, but whatever it is, it makes having a conversation with these people pretty much impossible. I have one of these people that I have to deal with at work, and I hate it. I have actually instructed my staff to never call this person on the phone. They are only to deal with her by e-mail.

As it happens, this woman was born in China, and her English skills aren’t the greatest. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a smart woman, and by all accounts she performs well in her job. But it’s just f**king impossible to discuss complex issues with her. And if I speak too fast on the phone, SHE can’t understand ME. I work in a Government job, which is one of the reasons I don’t mention too much about it. But in this case, the problem is that Governments have to run their workforce in ways that private business would refuse to accept.

If you run a corner shop, and someone applied for a job who couldn’t speak English, or was missing an arm and couldn’t carry stock, or was deaf and couldn’t hear the customers, you would easily be able to find a reason not to employ them and pick someone else. It doesn’t mean you’re racist or discriminatory, you just need someone who can peform a series of tasks, right?

Well it seems that the Australian Government is too f**king soft to use the same practice. They are an “equal opportunity employer”, which means they’ll take you even if you’re in an iron lung. And why? Because you’d be surprised how easy it is to sue Government departments for discriminating. But what we end up with, is people working in Public Service jobs – who YOU have to deal with every week – who don’t speak English properly.

This woman I have to deal with – let’s call her Sarah – works at a pretty high level in my organisation. When I get stuck, I have to ask her for help. But here’s the problem: The work I do is visible at Ministerial level, so it HAS to be 100% perfect – there is no excuse. When I get confused (because my department doesn’t use it’s software the way the programmers intended), I need Sarah’s help. And here’s why I never call her. She speaks broken English – and in the way that most Asians do. They don’t use small words like “the” or “a”. And they don’t use plurals. And they don’t always finish their words (need becomes nee, what becomes wha).

Now let’s compare this to the countries that we don’t see eye-to-eye with: Middle Eastern countries, Communist countries, Dictatorships, etc. If you go to THEIR country, you better tow the line Jim, because if you don’t, you go to jail (like spitting on the sidewalk in Singapore)- or you get shot. But come here and you can run all over us.

The “boat people” we get in Australia are a classic example. These people come here illegally. They land on our shores and we put them in a detention centre. Then, they get to use OUR legal system – FOR FREE - to fight OUR LAWS so that we have to let them stay. And then, they get welfare, because they can’t get a job because they’re not residents, and they don’t have a visa. Try that in China, Afghanistan or Chile – I dare you.

But I digress. Why can’t employers (including Government – and Vodafone) insist that if you’re going to work for us, and deal with our customers on complex issues, you have to be able to speak our language? Not a difficult concept to grasp I would think. And not one that you could really call racist. Racism involves discriminating against someone because of their race – not their abilities. I bet that if I moved to Spain (by the way, I don’t speak Spanish), I’m sure I wouldn’t get a job dealing with customers in a shop – let alone on a helpdesk for something complex.