Bah Humbug

That’s right, I’m talking about Christmas. Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas. I love the time off work, I love eating and drinking too much and I love seeing the kids open presents and have more fun than any kid should have in one day.

But what I DON’T love is the crowds. I’ve noticed that since returning from my overseas deployments, I only have a small tolerance for crowds and for people’s self-centred, bullshit behaviour. People who just stop walking while you’re behind them, or people who stand in doorways and chat on their phone, so nobody can get past.

A few years back, I wrote to Santa and asked him to contact me. I told him that we needed to talk about his visit each year, and after a few weeks of waiting, I got an e-mail from him. Naturally, he used a dodgy e-mail address, probably in the fear that I’d reveal his official e-mail address to the world.

But we got cyber-chatting about the presents he brings and how much work I have to go through to buy the presents that I give to my kids. I told him that I have to fight the crowds for hours, whether I’m buying one little present, or ten big ones. So I made him an offer, and I think that what we’ve settled on actually benefits both of us.

Santa only brings my kids one present each now – and it’s not the BIG present. You know, the bike, or the trampoline or the iPod/Pad/Touch device. My theory is that, sure Santa has a busy job visiting everyone and dropping off presents, but HE doesn’t have to fight the Westfield crowds, does he?

His response to my offer came a little too quickly, and it kind of had me thinking that maybe he would like this offer from more parents. After all, it will cut back on the number of presents the elves need to make, and it dramatically cuts down the time the big guy needs to spend at each house.

But it’s not like I leave Santa out in the cold. No pun intended there, especially since Christmas in Australia is HOT HOT HOT. He did comment that he still wanted to live in my kids’ hearts, so the agreement is that the gift he leaves is a good one – just not the best one.

Unfortunately, one year the two of us did need quite a bit of back-and-forth co-ordinating Christmas, since my kids were asking for some pretty cool stuff. But we talked it out and came to a good agreement.

So don’t be afraid. If you hate the crowds as much as I do, then maybe it’s time to get a little more kudos from your kids. Have a chat with Santa and come to the same agreement as I have. My kids adjusted pretty quickly, and still love getting their gift from Santa. But at least now, when they get something like a bike, it’s ME that gets the credit.

Tip #6 – Her Birthday

The best thing you can do for her birthday is adopt the attitude of getting her something she wouldn’t usually buy herself. I don’t mean a horse or a new blender, but something that’s more special.

And if you want to set the standard for birthdays everywhere, here’s a few tips. Find your nearest party hire place. They sell helium balloons and you can rent a canister. For less than $100 you can get enough balloons (and gas) to cover the ceiling of a room. Add some ribbon to each balloon, and the room will look like some kind of magical forest.

Obviously, you need to do this when she’s not at home. Chicks love it when you go to some effort, so if you have some holidays up your sleeve, take a day off to prepare her birthday. If she works, you’ll have the whole day to prepare, and but if she doesn’t you might need to come up with a plan to get her out of the house for a few hours – maybe buying her a trip to the day spa for a massage and facial might make a great present AND give you time to prep the house.

While you’re at the party hire place, find a bunch of stuff that all goes together. All girls like being a Princess, so you should be able to find some decorations that are Princess related, including plates, cups, streamers, a Happy Birthday sign, and maybe some more things to hang from the ceiling.

This is what I did in 2010. The whole thing cost about $100, but you can see how many balloons there are. The ribbons on the balloons (while a pain in the arse to tie) really add something to the layout.

Also, if you look closely, you can can see the plastic table cloth on the coffee table, along with plates and napkins, the Happy Birthday sign (barely visible at right-centre) and a couple of little hangy things. CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO VIEW FULL SIZE

All this took about 3 hours to put together, but it wasn’t physically demanding by any means – and I can tell you that she loved it so much, she sent photos to her parents, and now her Dad hates me because he’s getting hounded to do something similar.

And if you REALLY want to go to the extra mile, whether because you bought her a toaster last year, you’re in a new relationship, or maybe just because she’s been hounding you for not paying her enough attention, get her a custom made cake.

This will take a little planning, as you can’t wait until the week before her birthday to start organising it. You will need to find a proper cake shop – not your local bakery. Every city has one, you just need to find it.

Most of these shops will have a book you can go through to find something you like – or something you can use as a “base”. The cake here is the one I had made. The cake is a chocolate mud cake covered in fondant. The crown is fondant as well with cubic zirconias all around. The crown is edible, but as you’d expect, it’s still sitting in our fridge in Tupperware.

Obviously, a cake like this is more expensive than what Woolworths sell, but not as bad as you’d expect. Remember when placing your order to let the baker know how many people you want to feed. This cake was just for the two of us, so it’s not particularly large, but if you’re having a party with the whole family, size could be an issue for you.

The only problem you might find is that despite spending time organising all this, and then an hour or more blowing up balloons and tying ribbons, you still need to get something for her to unwrap – or you’ll never hear the end of it. Petty? Yes, but necessary. The good part is that after all this work, you can get away with a smaller present. The unwrapping is a symbolic gesture, so a DVD, candles, or costume jewellery should be all you need.